Back in 1997 when I was still fairly new to quilting, I sat down with a glass of wine and wrote this story. I belonged to an EGroup (before Yahoo Groups) and one of the gals asked permission to post this to her Guild Newsletter. Sure, no problem! However, in all the passing around on the internet, the story gets changed a little (adding yarn, etc.) and the Author's name gets listed as 'Unknown'. Arrrggghhhh!!! (of course then I lived in WA and was a Smith before I married Michael). This morning I requested 32 different sites to credit me. I think I have to do this at least every 2 months or so.
The funny thing was, I had volunteered to drive my van with 2 other gals from Seattle to Sisters, Oregon to the Outdoor Quilt Show. One of the two, Yvonne, had a newsletter with her and offered to read us a story she found hilarious....you guessed it...The Fabric Warning story!! It had not been out on the internet yet a month and it was already spreading like wildfire!
I am not a writer. I am a 'Fabric Store Clerk' and quilter. I'd like to know who designed the clip art? (I'd like to give credit)
Here's the story, enjoy. If you want to share, please do so, but I do require that you use my name and date.
A recent study indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unreasonable amounts. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones (in the fabric) causes memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter i.e. storing food), thereby perperpetuating their species and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces and mixed with others.
Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high pitched sound, heard only by a select few, a breed of women know as “quilters”. When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, “buy me, cut me, and sew me.” In order to overcome the so called “feeding frenzy effect” that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a quilt fabric store, with WWII army gas masks and headphones!
Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effects that these fabrics have on the human population. They are called Quilt Fabric Store Clerks.
It’s also been experienced that these same pheromones cause a pathological need to hide these fabric purchases when taken home (or at least to blend them into the existing stash) and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is, “I’ve had it for awhile.”
Kathy Smith, 1997